You know its the time of the month when your face starts to bloat, the most comfortable bra may as well be made out of steel wool and the most tell tale sign of all - for me, is definitely eating for three. I get scared at the amount I feel compelled to eat the week before my period. It starts with irrational cravings. I search endlessly for something that will appease the unquenchable thirst for flavours. It starts with something savoury, then sweet, maybe sour and then we start all over again. By dinner time, I feel disgusted with myself for eating enough for a small family. Then there is the mood swings. I sometimes find myself on the verge of tears if I don't get to eat something simple like toast. Lets not even talk about the rage and injustice I feel when someone has eaten the last Tim Tam (sorry, I didn't really mean to throw the Astro remote control at you).
The next morning, I will tell myself that I must not give into the cravings while I try and move the bulge, that is my tummy, around. This is when I wish I had a pair of high waisted jeans I can tuck my fat into. Instead my low-rise jeans are cutting off my blood circulation and my stomach has formed a cantilever that Frank Lloyd Wright couldn't have designed better.
The irony is that even when I don't eat, the tight feeling in my jeans makes me feel about as attractive as a bullfrog. And just when I feel like I want to surrender to the devil inside my head, someone says to me, "Hey you've lost weight". I am surprised and somewhat offended. After all, can't this person see how bloated and ugly I am?
I laugh and thank the person for the compliment because I am an idiot who let herself get all worked up over 2kg (okay, maybe 1.5kg) that I know I will lose by the end of the week. I blame the hormones for playing tricks on my rational self. The best part is I get to do this all over again next month. Meanwhile, I will continue to enjoy this coffee that will make me retain water...